I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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