and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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