Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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