he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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