This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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