i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
