True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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