He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
