Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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