You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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