Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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