Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
