Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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