So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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