Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
