I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
