All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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