Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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