Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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