Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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