why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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