id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
