Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
