The maid of honor just puked.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
