every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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