I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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