You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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