I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he shaved USA in his pubs
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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