There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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