btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
