Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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