I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
