I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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