As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
