hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
