So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
