eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
