Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
