We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did I show you my penis last night?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
