Please, let me fuck your mom
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
