You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
