At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
