I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize