So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
