I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
