I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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