1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We smell like vodka and hangover
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