also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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