Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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