either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
