I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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