I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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