I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
