He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
