its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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