he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
