I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
