what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize