hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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