I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
