so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
