So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
