Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
