my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
