My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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