im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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