Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
