We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
