Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize