If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
