I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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