he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
