I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you would pick up someone in the library
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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