He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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